Visual – Images and has the tendency to be more animated, speaks fast with a short attention span.There are no rights and wrongs, these are just preferences. Some people might be more visual (images), auditory (sounds) or kinesthetic (feeling) or a combination thereof. Each is more willing to listen to the other and feel that they are being heard.Īll of us process information differently. When you learn how someone feels and thinks, then you have rapport with them and are able to communicate with them effortlessly. Ask a friend these four questions in the specific order below and notice how the interaction changes:ĭid you notice that the conversation might have become more animated and the information shared more heart-felt, as you progressively moved through the question? With each question, you are uncovering deeper information and most importantly, getting to know them in a way that creates a longer lasting connection, trust and safety. Then it becomes so much easier to communicate with them. When you take the time to get to know someone and understand their model of the world (what they feel, how they think, their values and thoughts), it helps you to know what makes them tick. They do listen and respond with love, because communication is really all about loving truthfully! Now every time they come from this space, I simply let them know the truth about how it makes me feel and all I really want is for them to say the same from Love. During Breakthrough Coaching, I finally gained their perspective, where I understood it was only because they loved me that they felt overprotective which resulted in me feeling controlled. Everything that they said would put me off, simply because I felt that they were talking from a space of wanting to control me. Personally, I often used to feel controlled by a close family member. The skill is in communicating the truth with love, understating, compassion and taking self-responsibility instead of blaming the other person or projecting your negative feelings onto them. Being able to stand in one’s personal power and speak the truth is one of the most powerful tools of being understood. What if, in that moment, you could just step back and notice what you love about the other person, understand the situation from both perspectives and connect your own inner truth along with the reason you feel triggered. Speaking the truth can be scary, as there can be fear of hurting another person or causing conflict, which might escalate into a full-blown argument. Speak the truth with compassion and recognise your own inner truth The ultimate part of that is when you love yourself, then loving and appreciating the other person becomes natural.Ģ. What if you could program yourself in such a way, that it was an immediate impulse for you to notice someone’s love, gift or talent straightaway? It would mean that in every communication you had, you would always create an environment where both parties could truly be understood! I try to observe and understand them, then build rapport with them (state of understanding where both can communicate openly and be heard) and finally approach them in the best way they would understand. But honestly saying, when I am with kids and they do not listen to me, I tend to be really allowing. I love my two nieces and from experience, I can say I know how naughty kids can press your buttons. It is a genuine heartfelt love that allows both to be open to each other. In the words of Dr Rangana Rupavi Choudhuri, during the Breakthrough Coaching seminar, ‘If you want to influence someone, notice what you love and appreciate about them first.’ Then it is not a fake ” I love you!’ either. Its the reason I am sharing with you the 5 keys to being understood to enable harmonious and truthful communications:īefore you communicate with someone, always notice what you love about the other person so that you can make an instant connection. Wouldn’t it be great if you could automatically understand another, be it your spouse, child parent, lover, maid, boss or friend and in an instant get on the same wavelength and resolve conflict proactively. You might even be asking yourself in complete hopeless exasperation – will they ever get it? Why is it so hard? Why can’t they get me? When something similar happened to me recently, I was introduced to Steven Covey’s quote, ‘Seek to understand, before being understood.’ Everything suddenly made sense to me. It can be frustrating causing a feeling of helplessness. 5 keys to being understood, creating harmony and truthĭo you often feel not understood? And sometimes unable to understand others? Many of us have often felt this way.
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